The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: "The affordable
boat act" declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat, by
April 2014. These "affordable" boats will cost an average of
$54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing
fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees,
maintenance or repair costs.
This law has been passed, because until now, typically only wealthy and
financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This
new laws ensures that every American can now have a "affordable" boat of
their own, because everyone is "entitled" to a new boat. If you
purchase your boat before the end of the year, you will receive 4 "free"
life jackets; not including monthly usage fees.
In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs
of owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This
way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don't
want or can't afford to maintain. But to be fair, people who cant afford
to maintain their boat will be regularly fined and children (under the
age of 26) can use their parents boats to party on until they turn 27;
then must purchase their own boat.
If you already have a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you
can't). If you don't want or don't need a boat, you are required to buy
one anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or cant afford one, you will be
regularly fined $800 until you purchase one or face imprisonment.
Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the
desert; ghettos; inner cities or areas with no access to lakes are not
exempt. Age, motion sickness, experience, knowledge nor lack of desire
are acceptable excuses for not using your boat.
A government review board (that doesn't know the difference between the
port, starboard or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including;
when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your boat along
with how many people can ride your boat and determine if one is too old
or healthy enough to be able to use their boat. They will also decide
if your boat has out lived its usefulness or if you must purchase
specific accessories,(like a $500 compass) or a newer and more expensive
boat.
Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so...its only fair.
The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to
comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.
Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a boat,
they and their families can obtain boats free, at the expense of tax
payers. Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political
affiliations ($$$) are also exempt.
If the government can force you to buy health care, they can force you to buy a boat....or ANYTHING else..
Yeah...it's that stupid...
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